Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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