and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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