Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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