i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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