Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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