i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
