You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
