Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
