Even the bartender felt bad for me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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