I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
