She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
