a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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