Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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