We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
