Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
