Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you win again, gameday.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
