ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
