I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
