When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
