He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
