So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
