neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
