I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
