she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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