can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
