Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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