I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
