Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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