I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
