no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
