everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
