So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You smell like stripper and shame
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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