please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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