Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
