Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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