what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
