i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
