Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
