good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
