Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
