Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
