drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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