grandma shit on top of the toilet
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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