We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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