So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
