Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
