Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
