Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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