Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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