She's JV to your varsity
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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