He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
